What This Mom Tells Her Teen Daughters About Guys

I have two amazing girls that I’m blessed to call my daughters. They’re talented, smart, and best of all, they have beautiful hearts. They’re your typical teens. They love to listen to music, sing loudly and dance wildly to their favorite songs, usually at the annoyance of their younger brother.

When they were littles, they believed mom and dad would choose their husbands…and they’d get married at 35. We just threw out the number and they believed us whole heartily. Their little voices would ask us from their car seats in the back of the van, “you know when you pick our husband, what job will he have?” Oh, the innocent heart. Miss those days.

Now of course, they’re older. Their hearts are hopeful, and like many girls their age, they think about their someday prince charming. Who will be the one to sweep them off their feet, to occupy their every waking thought, to bring an instant smile to their face at the moment they see each other? Who will be their forever friend? Oh the bliss of youthful dreams!

I love when I get to talk to my girls about these things. It’s important to give guidance and counsel to our kids, to teach them what wisdom looks like, and to walk with them in these areas of life. Each time we have have a little impromptu sit down talk like this, I apply God’s word to their questions, fears, and dreams. So when it comes to boys, what does my mom’s heart brings up?

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Above all, he must love Jesus.

A guy who doesn’t love the Lord isn’t a match for you. No deal here. Don’t even go there when it comes to  someone who isn’t “All In” for Jesus. A guy who loves the Lord understands there is a plan, a future, a hope for him and his someday wife (Jer.29:11). He will have vision, wisdom from above, and rely on a daily dose of heavenly strength. He will know how to lead his family in prayer and through the word as he aligns himself in the grace of God. If a guy isn’t there with his walk with Christ, he won’t be there to walk with you through the much needed prayerful times of life. Amos ask us, how can two walk together unless they are agreed? Agree with God here, sweetpea. The guy for you believes in and loves Jesus.

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Keep guys in friend zone

There are lots of boys out there, but only one matters. He’s your future husband. You may or may not have met him yet, so every relationship with any guy should focus on friendship first. You were created with a purpose just as the man you will someday marry was created for a purpose. Don’t settle. Be patient and wait for him. When you meet your someday husband, the friendship you form first will be so important. He will eventually be your best friend, your forever friend. All your other friendships with guys can be there still, but they’ll be different. And since you didn’t cross any lines with your other guy friends, things won’t be awkward or weird later. The friendship with your future husband will be the most important.

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Does he fit the “Love is” model?

Does he treat you and others respectfully, speak to you and others with patience and kindness, or does he expect things to be his way, every way, every time? No deal here. If you can put his name in place of the word love in 1Corinthians 13:4-7- it’s all good. (Guy’s name here)…is kind, (Guy’s name here)…is not arrogant, rude, or insist on his own way. Continue with each of those “love” characteristics. If he doesn’t fit the model, move on. The way he treats others is a good indicator of how he’ll treat you later. This is a lot to ask for isn’t it? It’s hard to find these qualities in a teen guy, so again, be patient and wait for him.

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Pray for him now

I prayed for my husband (we just celebrated 22 years of marriage) way back when I was in junior high. I didn’t know him, his name, or anything about him. I just knew I could pray for my someday husband and ask the Lord to walk with him in whatever circumstance he was going through. I’ve taught my girls to pray for their future- hopes and dream- what college they may attend, what they may want to be as an adult. Their future spouse should be on their prayer list, too. Pray often; pray without ceasing for them.

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Prince Charming doesn’t live here

There is not a guy alive on this earth that can fulfill all your needs, hopes, or dreams. The reality is that Prince Charming lives in fairy tale land. We live in reality, where people make mistakes and occasionally have failures. A friend will fall short of perfection at times, just as we will fall short of perfection for them. But all friendships have their ups and down, and since you built a relationship on The Rock of Jesus, this friendship will withstand the trials and hardships that all relationships face. When things get down, you two have to look up.

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Guys are different than girls.

Guys think differently, talk differently, and have unique interest. They speak less than girls and are pretty much drama free! They aren’t there to be changed or lectured at or to be molded into your perfect idea of what a guy should be like. He’s already been molded and shaped by the Creator. There may be something about his personality or character that you may see as “can be improved,” but unless it’s a “no deal” kind of trait, that’s who he is. Can you be ok with that?

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Standing up keeps you from falling

The best way to keep from falling into temptation (sexual or otherwise) is to stand strong and take heed to  God’s plan for you. Keep His word hidden in your heart (Psalm 119). Don’t ever allow a guy or any friend to pressure you to do something you’re not comfortable doing. The moment your spider sense tells you something’s not right-  trust it because- something’s not right! Listen to I Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Leave, run, exit the building asap. Call mom (or dad); we’ve got your back.

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I tell my girls and other young single ladies to think about the kind of guy they want to call their forever friend. Let them answer.  I hear a lot this, “He’ll be kind, funny, hardworking, love God, thoughtful,” etc. Now that you know what kind of guy you want for the whole, “till death do you part,” be that kind of girl. Are you, daughter, kind, hardworking, love God? As God is working on your future guy’s character and personality, let Him work in yours first.

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